“However America is for certain — they’re sure — that Russia continues to be planning to invade. Actually, at this time the U.S. Secretary of State even mentioned what Russia may do to justify an invasion is launch pretend and even actual chemical weapons at themselves after which blame it on Ukraine. Yeah, yeah, to start with, uh, spoilers, hiya!” — TREVOR NOAH
“Secondly, are you able to think about that, staging a chemical assault on your self to justify your invasion? That’s fairly tousled, particularly for the Russian troopers who’ve to hold out the mission: [imitating Russian soldier] ‘So we launch this on ourselves however that is pretend, sure?’ [imitating another Russian soldier] ‘Yeah, we’ll discover out when bomb explodes. Thriller, pleasure.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“And , folks, as erratic because the Russians’ actions may appear, you perceive what they’re doing proper now, proper? They’re taking part in chess. That is actually what chess is all about: [imitating chess player] ‘Oh, I’m shifting ahead. I’m shifting backwards. I’m attacking. No, I’m not. The horse goes this manner, then it turns.’ That is what Russia is doing — and the Russians love taking part in chess. They’ve been designed for this second. In the meantime, the remainder of us, we don’t play chess anymore. We love dumb video games now. We’re like, ‘Uh, I would like a five-letter phrase that ends in d-e. Plate? No.’” — TREVOR NOAH
